# Andrew Forsthoefel — Center Stage https://mornings.network/shows/center-stage/guests/andrew-forsthoefel What changes when we really listen? The author of Walking to Listen on curiosity, speaking honestly, and the personal work that comes before helping others. ## Their story Andrew Forsthoefel is a writer and the author of Walking to Listen. His official biography also identifies him as an ordained interfaith minister and a restorative-practices specialist. In this conversation, he looks back on walking across America, the stories he wanted to hear, and the questions he was trying to answer about his own life. Keith and Jon explore listening, family and the ongoing work behind his perspective. ## Full interview https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-sRZfp3e_Y ## Chapters 00:00 — Sophia's original guest introduction Entry point from the owner’s current opener-inclusive interview handoff. 03:57 — Listening and speaking honestly Entry point from the owner’s current opener-inclusive interview handoff. 08:18 — Why he started walking Entry point from the owner’s current opener-inclusive interview handoff. 11:24 — Meeting his father at the finish Entry point from the owner’s current opener-inclusive interview handoff. 13:31 — The wound and the healing work Entry point from the owner’s current opener-inclusive interview handoff. 15:28 — Walking to Listen and The Little Courtyard Entry point from the owner’s current opener-inclusive interview handoff. ## Highlights ### Listening Does Not Mean Staying Silent Keith and Jon expect someone devoted to listening to be quiet. Andrew pushes back on that assumption. He likes to speak, too. Listening gave him a clearer sense of when a response matters and what he actually wants to say. The useful tension in the clip is between making room for somebody else and withholding yourself. Andrew treats those as different things: a conversation can need both attention and an honest voice. Keith and Jon expect someone devoted to listening to be quiet. Andrew pushes back on that assumption. He likes to speak, too. Listening gave him a clearer sense of when a response matters and what he actually wants to say. The useful tension in the clip is between making room for somebody else and withholding yourself. Andrew treats those as different things: a conversation can need both attention and an honest voice. Optional guest post: Listening doesn't mean I have nothing to say. I love hearing people's stories. I also have a lot to say. Those things can belong in the same conversation. When I committed to listening first, I began noticing how rarely we really hear each other. We're caught in our own minds, preparing a response or deciding what somebody means before they've finished. For me, listening also asks something of the person doing it: can I share my own honesty? Can I risk saying more of what is actually true about my experience? I talked with Keith and Jon on Center Stage about attention, honesty and why hearing somebody doesn't require disappearing yourself. This clip is one part of that conversation. When do you feel most heard by another person? Watch the moment below. ### The Wound Became the Medicine Andrew describes his parents' divorce and the hurt in his relationship with his father. He credits his mentor Daryl Slim with the idea of the wound becoming medicine. He does not present himself as finished or claim that suffering automatically improves someone. His emphasis is the healing work: looking at anger and confusion so the same pain does not keep playing out. Keith brings his own experience as a divorced father into the conversation, making the exchange personal rather than a tidy lesson. Andrew describes his parents' divorce and the hurt in his relationship with his father. He credits his mentor Daryl Slim with the idea of the wound becoming medicine. He does not present himself as finished or claim that suffering automatically improves someone. His emphasis is the healing work: looking at anger and confusion so the same pain does not keep playing out. Keith brings his own experience as a divorced father into the conversation, making the exchange personal rather than a tidy lesson. Optional guest post: The wound doesn't become useful just because it happened. My parents' divorce and my relationship with my dad left a wound. My mentor Daryl Slim talks about the wound becoming medicine. But I have to do the healing work. For me, that means looking at the anger and confusion so I stop playing out the same pain. I'm more interested in healing than staying caught in that cycle. I care about the ways I've been hurt, and that is part of why I want to face them. I'm not a finished product. The work doesn't end. From where I am now, though, I can feel gratitude for parts of my father that once only felt painful. Keith brought his own experience as a father into this conversation. I'm grateful we had room to speak honestly about it. What has helped you stop repeating an old hurt? Watch this exchange from Center Stage. ## Full appearance optional guest post I thought I was walking to learn about other people. I was also learning about myself. At the start of my walk across America, I was fascinated by the stories people carried. I wanted to ask them what it meant to grow up, to be an adult, to become a man. The encounters mattered. So did the solitude. Together, they became a master class for me. When I wrote Walking to Listen, my editor helped me see that the book needed my own story alongside the stories people had shared. Now I'm writing about becoming a father, the interfaith experience and the restorative work I do in schools. Those are different settings for the same practice: being present and truthful about what is here. Keith and Jon gave me room to connect those parts of my life on Center Stage. What question about your own life have other people's stories helped you understand? Watch the full conversation below. ## Sources Official biography: https://www.andrewforsthoefel.com/about